Your art was the prettiest art, of all the art... therapy

From Sept. 2018 - Jan. 2020, I attended private, individual counseling with a psychologist who began practicing before I was born. From Jan. 2021 - May 2023, I attended court ordered, weekly sex offender group therapy programming. Every week, I went to a building and spent an hour with other female sex offenders and either one or two doctors who facilitated the group discussions. People came and went from the group, but during my time in this group, I met 4 other female sex offenders that were teachers. One, two, three, four, and I made FIVE female, former teachers from this area of Northeast Ohio. (Dude, IKR?)

When you think of group therapy you likely think of people sitting in a circle and talking. I'd like to dispel this stereotype right away, as we sat at rectangular tables. We had assignments, discussions, and levels of progression toward "graduating" the program, but there was also a presentation aspect. Any given week, someone may be presenting part of their assignment, venting about personal problems, discussing legal issues, or choosing not to talk at all. That's part of why it took so long to complete, but it also turned out to be a really nice source of support as new challenges arose or old ones resurfaced.

The first level of programming included completing a document called an offense cycle. Sections included writing about your predisposing factors, learning to identify and manage thinking errors, high risk situations, and triggers. The second level is an autobiography, which you discuss with the group after reading aloud, section by section. The third level includes a relapse prevention plan and, if your offense included a victim, you must write a letter and their reply. It is important to note that this is the process for all sex offender therapy that attend this group, and that not all attendees were former teachers. There are separate groups for men, that are held in this same building; my group was not co-ed. There wasn't really an aspect of art therapy in my group, but it was encouraged and there were variations of art therapy at all of the mental health facilities, and in prison. Inmates were allowed to order arts and craft supplies, crochet supplies, and I even won third place in an Easter egg coloring contest.

Something I've always admired about my husband is his ability to draw. He's his own harshest critic, and doesn't practice as much as he'd like to, but he's very talented. While I was gone, I wrote letters home to him and the kids and would add little doodles along the margins, but I've never been able to draw well, so I was like, "Ugh, this is pitiful." You can only draw so many turtles, cats, flowers, and cubes before you're just over it.

One day, I was messing around with the remote to my tv and realized I could freeze the frame, but still listen to the show that was playing. I froze it on a Bob's Burger's character and tried to draw it. I sent it home to my kids who were able to recognize who it was! So, I kept doing that, kept practicing, and eventually got quicker and better. :) The kids would tell me about who they thought the drawings were or what episode I'd seen it on, and it was a nice little thing we did. Turns out, patience and practice is what I hadn't tried, when it came to drawing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm an amazing artist now, or that Bob's Burgers characters are super intricate, but I did get better.

Since I've been home, I've tried to find other art therapy outlets and it's so much more fun to try them with the people I love. I made this clipart collage, using Canva, in 2022 while listening to the album for a couple of evenings. It was fun and someone even bought it on Etsy for $20. I took it down after that one purchase because it was kind of a hassle to print it and mail it. If you like it, just save it and print it at Walgreens for $5. The original is in my daughter's personal art collection, as she is a big fan of AJR; She's hoping to see them IRL for her first concert soon. :)

AJR- OK Orchestra Collage

We want our children to have the opportunities to explore their interests, find their passion, and my daughter really enjoys painting. She and I both were gifted painting supplies for Christmas and it's been fun trying out the different brushes and techniques, but it also takes every ounce of patience to say yes, instead of no, when she asks if she can paint. (All the messes, everywhere, always, all the time.)

The other day, I realized that I hadn't painted in a while, and had some down time, so I looked up some videos on TikTok. "Easy sunrise painting beginner" gave me this and I was like, "Yes, I can do that!" I had a plan to document the process and it was going to be a cute little video... (Refer back to I haven't had social media access since 2020.) And that's how I re-learned that the first time you try something, isn't the best time to record it.

I intentionally changed it from red to blue on the bottom, but the rest of it was one big happy accident. It didn't look how I wanted it to, and I got annoyed, ditched the video, tried covering up the dark with white, repainted it, tried to brighten it, tried to fix it, and finally was like, "Ugh, that's just what it is." I cleaned up and left it out to dry. Two days later, while I was super stressed out with work, my daughter came into my office and asked, "Can I have this picture?" I asked her why she wanted it. She said she loved it and wanted to put it up in her room. I said that I'd messed it up and showed her a picture of how it was supposed to look. She said she didn't care, she loved it and wanted it for her room.

You guys! My amazing daughter saw beauty in this painting that I had been so frustrated over, and the only reason she found it was because I hadn't thrown it away yet. It's so easy to tear ourselves down and critique ourselves harshly. We don't do that to our kids because we want to build them up, give them confidence to keep trying and learning new things, but sometimes we forget that we need to build ourselves up too. Maybe my art isn't the prettiest art of all the art, but it brought my daughter joy and that meant the whole wide world to me, and so does she.

Christina Perri- You mean the whole wide world to me